The quiet mouse

This is one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. I still can’t believe I am blogging.

I’ve only told three people directly about this site. The three people I choose to trust not to tell mass amounts of people including my husband and his family.

If him and his family found out about this it would get shut down in a heart beat. I feel like I’m already isolated it would be even more so.

I have things and places I don’t want them to have access to.

This is one of them.

The campground is another. He would find a reason for the outing to be horrible and not want us to go back again. I feel God’s presence there so strongly sometimes. His mom has already commented about how she’s not sure if she could ever go there because we use outhouses. Good grief.

Where I did my voluntary service is another place. It’s one of the only few places I have felt safe. Yes safe. I wasn’t picked on, I wasn’t belittled, I wasn’t criticized for being me or not doing things the instant I was asked.

I was with people who loved, cared and helped me be stronger.

There i said it. I felt safe there. Not in my home growing up, not in the house I’m in now. Just there.

It’s night now and my husband is at work and I’m rewatching Reacher and blogging my heart out. He’s at work. I get the bed to myself. I get to be snuggled by the cats. I get to take care of my girls in the night. I feel safe at this moment. I get to pass that on to my kids in the middle of the night.

I’m there when they have nightmare. I’m there when they need a drink of water. I’m there when they have a late night bathroom run that doesn’t end well. I’m an amazing parent.

But honestly this bed isn’t big enough for me and two cats. Gotta set boundaries with the cats too.