The quiet mouse

In the past two days I have had to beg, plead, and justify why I started my own business. I have had to jump through endless hoops to be able to purchase 3 more sets of shelving.

I have watched my husband grab my daughter by her arm, pull her off the couch and gently fling her away from the couch and let go. All because she refused to get off the switch and she screamed at him and kicked his controller away.

I’m questioning why I still am married to him.

I’m questioning why I didn’t react when he grabbed her like that.

Why am I not strong enough to take my girls and leave. Why can’t I keep them safe. What kind of messed up person am I? I know I need counseling. More counseling.

This is my place to vent. To write down how I feel. I don’t have to justify why I feel the way I do on these pages. I’m not being accused of trying to get out of things with excuses.

I totally understand that I’m in an abusive marriage. I just don’t know how to leave.

I don’t know how to survive on my own without him.

If some of my friends somehow stumble on this blog I pray that you don’t judge me. I hope you see why I didn’t tell you.

I didn’t think you would understand.