The quiet mouse

My uncle was an alcoholic. It was pretty bad. I never saw him sober. He lived with my grandma. I can remember him yelling and screaming at us kids when we did something wrong. He used to scare my timid grandma. She would give him money when he asked for it. She would bail him out of jail. She would find him jobs and he would lose them after a few weeks. She put him through rehab only to have him get drunk when he got out.

We lived down the road from her. Walking distance. She usually walked down and visited us when he did something she didn’t like or it was totally stupid.

She would pray that God would change him. But God had other plan. She eventually had to go in a nursing home someplace that people could take care of her better than family could Someplace that was all one floor. Someplace that she could eat better than she did at home.

My uncle went to visit her once. He wasn’t allowed to drive because well, he lost his license permanently because of multiple DUI’s and he just never went to get it back.

He tried to get money from grandma in the nursing home. It didn’t go over well. My parents had her purse and money and everything locked down so he couldn’t get any money.

My uncle was upset about it and so was my grandma. It was just how it needed to be.

Now as an adult I see that God didn’t change my uncle he gave my uncle the opportunity to change and the free will to decide what he wanted to do. God actually changed the circumstances around my grandma and made her change a positive one.

I’m not sure how many people would think of it like that. God answers prayers how he sees fit. He answers the best way and things for us. The past year has been filled with ups and downs for me.

Ive finally decided to root myself firmly in my faith. I have an amazing God that is powerful, loving faithful and true.

I have things and decisions that I have to make. I’m trying to turn them over to God one at a time. It’s really hard to do.

Im scared about what is going to happen if I make one of those decisions that I need to make. I don’t know what will happen or how things will play out. It’s hard to trust and put faith all in.

A friend once told me that I have to jump with both feet in the water to do something. I have to do that with my faith in God what he’s going to do.